Family violence (sometimes called ‘domestic abuse’ or ‘domestic violence) and sexual violence is a topic that is rarely discussed by the Deaf community. Family and sexual violence is a crime in New Zealand, but it is significantly under reported by members of the Deaf community.
There is very little information on family and sexual violence in NZSL, which means that the Deaf community may not know what the terms mean or what it might look like in their day to day lives.
In New Zealand there are many websites and service providers to assist with learning about family and sexual violence and where to get help, but the majority of these have no accessible options to assist the Deaf community.
Deaf Aotearoa has partnered with VisAble to create a library of NZSL videos which introduce the various types of abuse that can be experienced:
Advice or support
If you would like advice or support from Deaf Aotearoa please contact us: E-mail: duty.assessor@deaf.org.nz or Freephone: 0800 33 23 22, and Free Text: 8223
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact the Police on 111.
Deaf people can text the Police on 111 – but you need to have registered first: https://www.police.govt.nz/111-txt
If you would like to contact the Police about a person abusing you but not urgently, you can visit your local police station. An officer will talk to you about all the options available to you. The officer is required to make arrangements to provide you with an NZSL interpreter.
Also, in non-urgent situations, you can talk to the Police using NZ Relay: https://www.nzrelay.co.nz/index. Check their website for operating hours.
If for whatever reason you do not want to speak to the Police directly, contact the organisation Crimestoppers using the secure online form. It’s completely anonymous, no one will know it was you who passed on the information.
Learn what family and sexual violence can look like
You can experience family violence from anyone you have close personal relationship with.
It doesn’t have to be a sexual relationship and you don’t have to be living together.
New Zealand law defines someone you could have a close personal relationship as:
- a partner or ex-partner
- a family member
- a support person
- someone you live with, like a flat mate.
Acknowledgement
Deaf Aotearoa gratefully acknowledges the use of following text from the Ministry of Social Development’s ‘Are You Ok’ website.
Coercion and threats
Coercion or threats are when someone persuades you to do something or stop you from doing something by using force and/or threats.
They may target what is important to you and leave you feeling trapped and like you have no freedom, choice, or ability to make your own decisions.
Coercion and threats could look like this:
- They’ve said they’ll hurt themselves, the children, or pets if you leave.
- They threaten to contact agencies like Oranga Tamariki or Immigration and tell them lies about you if you don’t do what they want.
Isolation
Isolation is a form of abuse when someone prevents you from having other relationships with friends, family, or your community.
They might decide how you can engage with other people, in general resulting in you being more dependent on them.
Isolation could look like this:
- They make it hard for you to see your friends and family and get angry when you talk to other people.
- They prevent you from educating yourself or getting a job to keep you dependent on them.
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is when someone makes you feel scared, confused, or doubt yourself.
They may not be physically violent, but their verbal or non-verbal actions can cause you mental pain, anguish, or distress.
In an emotionally abusive relationship, you may feel that there is no way out or that without your partner, you’ll have nothing.
The ongoing impact of emotional abuse can chip away at your sense of self and leave you believing them when they tell you that you’re worthless, that no-one will believe you, or that no-one cares about you but them.
Emotional abuse could look like this:
- They call you names like whore, bitch, crazy, fat, or stupid.
- They criticise your opinions, ideas, choices or how you do things.
Economic Abuse
Economic or financial abuse is when the abusive person controls or attempts to control a person’s financial independence.
This may be making you financially dependent on them by maintaining control over financial resources and/or withholding access to money.
Economic abuse could look like this:
- They control money and what you can or can’t spend it on.
- They put financial strain on you by refusing to work, or putting loans and credit in your name and not paying them back.
Minimising, denying and blaming (gaslighting)
When someone minimises, denies, or blames you for things, this is a form of abuse.
This could be when they explain away the things that upset you, pretending things didn’t happen or make you feel like you’re responsible for something bad that has happened to you.
Minimising, denying and blaming (gaslighting) could look like this:
- They guilt trip you or make you think you’re going crazy.
- They blame you, say things are your fault or make you responsible for things they are not happy about.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is any unwanted sexual act or activity, including rape, sexual assault and harassment involving words and pictures.
If there is no informed consent or if you are pressured or threatened into saying yes, this is sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse could look like this:
- They’ve pressured you or forced you to do anything sexual that you weren’t comfortable with or didn’t want to do at the time (even if you are married).
- They’ve posted anything degrading or sexual about you online.
Using children as a tool
Someone could use your children as a tool to control, attack or keep you ‘in your place’.
They might use the children as a weapon to create conflict or to punish you or may stop you from doing what you think is best for your children.
Using children could look like this:
- You’re worried about the children when they are in their care.
- They say things to you about taking the children and leaving.
Intimidation
Intimidation is a form of abuse when someone scares you into doing what they want by making you feel afraid of them.
Intimidation could look like this:
- They stand over you and get in your face when arguing.
- They scare you by throwing objects or punching walls.
Physical abuse
Physical abuse is when someone is violent or harms your body in any way.
It may start with something small, like a shove or a grab, but could get worse over time and include hitting, kicking or strangling.
You might feel scared about them harming you again.
Physical abuse could look like this:
- You’ve had to defend yourself from them.
- They’ve physically assaulted you.
Using internalised Homophobia, Biphobia or Transphobia
Using internalised Homophobia, Biphobia or Transphobia
When someone says or does things to make you feel bad about or hide your gender/sexual identity, this can also be seen as abuse.
You may feel pressured into situations that ridicules or disregards your gender/sexual identity.
Internalised Homophobia, Transphobia or Biphobia could look like this:
- They’ve criticised, questioned or made fun of your sexuality and/or gender.
- They’ve threatened to ‘out’ you to people without your permission or threaten to leave you if you are ‘out’.
Privilege
Privilege is the advantage that people who fit into certain social groups have over other people in different social groups.
Someone could use their privilege based on being male, part of a particular ethnicity or culture (e.g., white privilege), being cis-gender (someone whose gender identity aligns with their birth sex) or being able-bodies.
When someone uses the privilege they have in society against you, this is a form of abuse.
While people in advantaged groups can still face challenges in their lives, it is important to acknowledge that privilege exists.
Privilege could look like this:
- They stop you from getting your medication.
- They impact involvement and access to your culture.
Special thanks goes to:
- VisAble: for their funding, specialist input and support of this project
- Deaf Presenters: Jon Tai-Rakena and Natasha Jumelet
- Project group members
- Specialist input from: MEDSAC and Midlands Sexual Assault Support Service, the Crisis team at HELP Auckland and the Family Harm Response Team at New Zealand Police.
Links to helpful NZ sites:
- Are You OK: https://www.areyouok.org.nz/
- Safe to talk: https://www.safetotalk.nz/
- Medsac: https://medsac.org.nz/
- HELP: https://helpauckland.org.nz/
- Shine: https://2shine.org.nz/
- VisAble: https://www.visable.co.nz/
